How to approach a cat: tips to earn their trust

How can you tell if a cat is stressed? What do they need? Why are some cats fearful? These are key questions in Yvonne Sweere’s work: “Many behavioural issues stem from misunderstandings about what a cat is and what they need. Their signals are often misinterpreted, leading to unmet needs.” 

In her behavioural therapy sessions, Yvonne helps cat owners address their cat’s behavioural problems. Now, she’s sharing her top tips with Pawshake’s cat sitters and pet parents.

Getting to know a cat sometimes requires patience

Meeting a cat takes patience

What do you often see go wrong when meeting a cat?

“As an animal lover or cat sitter, you might want to show how much you love cats by immediately reaching out to pet or cuddle them. While this might feel natural, a more patient approach is actually better. Many people also assume that when a cat rubs against them, it’s a sign of affection—but it can just be a way of marking their territory. The most reliable sign that a cat is friendly and interested? Their tail held straight up.”

What’s the best way to approach a new cat?

“The key is to let the cat take the lead. Stay calm, lower yourself to their level, and gently call their name. You can even explain to the owner what you’re doing: ‘I’m letting the cat set the pace. Can I offer them a treat?’

Slowly extend your hand. If the cat raises their tail, that’s a green light for interaction! A gentle scratch on the head or under the chin is a good start—avoid stroking their entire body. If the cat sniffs your hand but keeps their tail down, they’re just checking you out and don’t want further contact. Respect that and give them space.”

A cat that blinks slowly at you feels safe

What if the cat hides under the bed or in a closet?

“As a pet owner, you might hope that your sitter gets to meet your cat. But if a cat is nervous and hiding, they’re unlikely to come out on command. You can try luring them with treats, but never force them out. If they venture out on their own after a few minutes, you can attempt some interaction. Otherwise, let them be—they just need more time.”

What are signs that a cat isn’t interested in interaction?

“The first sign is a slight retreat—pulling their head back or turning away. Other stress signals include yawning, licking their lips, or flicking their tail. These are all ways of saying, ‘leave me alone.’ Never force contact. If you push a cat beyond their comfort zone, they may lash out. And if you instinctively pull your hand back, you’re actually reinforcing the idea that aggression works. The cat learns: ‘Ah, this is how I make unwanted touch stop.’”

Shy or anxious cats need time and space

How to approach a cat as a sitter (or owner)?

“We often assume cats love being petted and cuddled. But many prefer to play! I always bring a wand toy to my consultations—cat sitters can do the same. Many wands have interchangeable ‘prey’ attachments, like feathers or a snake-like strip. See which one the cat responds to best.”

But don’t some cats just not like playing?

“Cat owners often believe that. But usually, it’s just that they’ve been playing the wrong way. It might seem like the cat is uninterested or lazy, but play requires interaction! You need to move the toy, make it dart away like real prey, and hide it now and then. The moment you do this, you’ll see the cat’s instincts kick in. Even if they’re just watching intently, that’s still part of the hunting process—they’re waiting for the perfect moment to pounce.

So don’t give up too quickly, and don’t expect them to go wild right away. Take your time. Bring treats, a good wand toy, and make note of what excites the cat. You can even tell the owner afterward: ‘Hey, they really enjoyed this kind of play!’ Most owners will be surprised.”

Few things make a cat happier than hunting

Any final tips for cat owners and sitters?

“Every cat has different needs—some love playing, others prefer grooming, and some just want a gentle pet. Always pay attention to their individual preferences and signals. The better you understand the cat, the more enjoyable your interactions will be, and the stronger your bond will become.”

Looking for a cat sitter? Find a trusted in-home cat sitter near you on Pawshake!